{"id":144,"date":"2008-09-25T14:57:35","date_gmt":"2008-09-25T12:57:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/egophobia.dap.ro\/?p=144"},"modified":"2008-09-25T14:57:35","modified_gmt":"2008-09-25T12:57:35","slug":"din-proza-egophobia-19","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.egophobia.ro\/?p=144","title":{"rendered":"din proz\u0103 @ EgoPHobia #19"},"content":{"rendered":"

v\u0103 anun\u0163am<\/a> c\u0103 \u00een EPH #19 vom avea un fragment \u00een exclusivitate din romanul „soni<\/a>” de andrei ruse, care st\u0103 s\u0103 apar\u0103 la editura tritonic<\/em>. o bucat\u0103 din el pute\u0163i citi mai jos<\/p>\n

fragment pentru EgoPHobia, din #09. bob dylan e normal<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00een mai am intrat \u00een depresie sau m-am pierdut de tot. pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 frustrantul sentiment de singur\u0103tate asociat aiurea cu sperietura de moarte, a fost la \u00eenceput a treia \u015fedin\u0163\u0103 de chimioterapie la fundeni.<\/p>\n

mi s-a oprit inima pentru c\u00e2teva secunde atunci. doctorii mi-au spus c\u0103 e normal s\u0103 am astfel de reac\u0163ii, c\u0103 substan\u0163ele folosite \u00een tratament atac\u0103 printre altele \u015fi organele vitale. l-au numit preinfarct.<\/p>\n

m-au mutat la reanimare pentru supraveghere intens\u0103, dou\u0103 zile p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd li s-a p\u0103rut c\u0103 totu\u015fi n-o s\u0103 dau ortul popii chiar a\u015fa de cur\u00e2nd.<\/p>\n

nu am avut voie s\u0103 ies din salonul \u0103la \u015fi oricum, av\u00e2nd \u00een vedere starea mea fizic\u0103, ca s\u0103 nu mai zic \u015fi de zecile de aparate la care eram conectat\u0103 sau de pumnii de medicamente pe care mi v\u00e2r\u00e2ser\u0103 \u00een gur\u0103 \u015fi direct \u00een vene doar ca s\u0103 devin o legum\u0103, nu a\u015f fi reu\u015fit nici \u00een ruptul capului.<\/p>\n

\u015ftiam c\u0103 totul era pentru binele meu, dar cu fiecare minut petrecut \u00een spital sim\u0163eam c\u0103 pierd timp pre\u0163ios. bine, vorbim de acela\u015fi timp c\u0103ruia nu-i g\u0103sisem p\u00e2na atunci nicio utilitate \u00een afar\u0103 de futut \u015fi scris.<\/p>\n

m-au l\u0103sat s\u0103 m\u0103 pi\u015f \u00een p\u0103h\u0103rele de plastic de unic\u0103 folosin\u0163\u0103 pe care le aruncau apoi fie dana, fie mai des, o asistent\u0103. m\u0103 sim\u0163eam mizerabil\u0103 din cauza asta. mi-era efectiv jen\u0103, mai ales c\u00e2nd umpleam c\u00e2te dou\u0103-trei pentru c\u0103 eram \u00een acela\u015fi timp for\u0163at\u0103 s\u0103 dau pe g\u00e2t trei-patru litri de ap\u0103 pe zi.<\/p>\n

te-ai g\u00e2ndit vreodat\u0103 cum ar fi s\u0103 nu te po\u0163i nici m\u0103car pi\u015fa f\u0103r\u0103 ajutorul cuiva?<\/p>\n

uneori m\u0103 mai g\u00e2ndeam la paul \u015fi eram lini\u015ftit\u0103 c\u0103 nu \u00eel t\u00e2r\u00e2sem \u015fi pe el prin toate astea. alteori \u00eemi doream pur \u015fi simplu s\u0103-l v\u0103d cum se macin\u0103, s\u0103-l v\u0103d tremur\u00e2nd de groaza de a m\u0103 pierde de tot \u015fi de incapacitatea de a face ceva.<\/p>\n

cum ar afla vestea? alo? salut dana, ce mai faci? paul sunt. uite vroiam s\u0103 te rog dac\u0103 po\u0163i, dac\u0103 ai timp s\u0103 \u00eei spui soniei s\u0103\u2026 nu, nu \u015ftiu nimic de ea, c\u0103 nu mi-a r\u0103spuns de luni bune la telefon, d-aia te-am \u015fi sunat pe tine\u2026 aha\u2026 de ce, s-a \u00eent\u00e2mplat ceva grav?! cum?! cum adic\u0103 a murit s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2na trecut\u0103?!<\/p>\n

cred c\u0103 m-a\u015f fi sim\u0163it mai r\u0103zbunat\u0103 dac\u0103 ar fi aflat a\u015fa. \u015fi automat dac\u0103 n-ar mai fi putut s\u0103 aibe ultimul cuv\u00e2nt.<\/p>\n

dac\u0103 dup\u0103 moarte am putea s\u0103 mai st\u0103m pe-aici, ca o fantom\u0103, s\u0103 vedem reac\u0163iile celor din jur, ar fi genial.<\/p>\n

\u00eel ultima zi la reanimare a murit unu\u2019 \u00een salon. avea mai bine de \u015faptezeci.<\/p>\n

\u015fi ce crezi c\u0103 s-a \u00eent\u00e2mplat? l-au l\u0103sat acolo patru ore! patru ore, timp \u00een care ne-am \u0163inut nasul acoperit cu ce cear\u015fafuri sau tricouri de schimb mai g\u0103seam. era infernal de cald! cred c\u0103 \u015fi mortului i-ar fi fost ru\u015fine, la fel cum fusesem eu cu paharele mele de plastic.<\/p>\n

i-au pus o icoan\u0103 pe piept, l-au deconectat \u015fi au dat telefon familiei. apoi familia, nevast\u0103-sa probabil, o b\u0103bu\u0163\u0103 tot cam pe la \u015faptezeci, rupt\u0103 total de peisaj, \u00een loc s\u0103-\u015fi ia mortul sau s\u0103-l pl\u00e2ng\u0103, a trebuit s\u0103 mearg\u0103 prin n birouri s\u0103 completeze n acte.<\/p>\n

le-a completat s\u0103raca, oricum nu a \u00een\u0163eles nimic din ele, de parc\u0103 ar fi fost ceva de \u00een\u0163eles. pl\u00e2ngea \u00eentr-una \u015fi se scuza c\u0103 nu putea s\u0103-l ia mai repede \u015fi c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 suport\u0103m s\u0103-i vedem cadavrul \u015fi s\u0103-i sim\u0163im mirosul. puii mei! \u00een loc s\u0103-\u015fi vad\u0103 de \u00eengrop\u0103ciune sau mai \u015ftiu eu ce, trebuia s\u0103-l scuze. ca pe un copil neast\u00e2mp\u0103rat \u015fi obraznic, compara\u0163ie e exagerat\u0103 cred.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

v\u0103 anun\u0163am c\u0103 \u00een EPH #19 vom avea un fragment \u00een exclusivitate din romanul „soni” de andrei ruse, care st\u0103 s\u0103 apar\u0103 la editura tritonic. o bucat\u0103 din el pute\u0163i citi mai jos fragment pentru EgoPHobia, din #09. bob dylan e normal \u00een mai am intrat \u00een depresie sau m-am pierdut de tot. pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-144","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/144","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=144"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/blog.egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/144\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=144"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=144"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=144"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}